Deciding whether you want to have sex or when you should is a decision you should make when it feels right for YOU. In a healthy relationship, your partner respects your decisions, even when they don’t like them.
If you are thinking about when to have sex, keep in mind:
You should feel comfortable with your decision.
Talk with your partner about safe sex practices, like getting tested for STIs and considering birth control options.
Be honest with yourself and your partner. If you’re not ready, that’s ok and your partner should respect it.
If something scares you or makes you feel uncomfortable, you can say no at any time.
You have the right to talk openly and honestly about your fears, worries and feelings.
If your partner tries to threaten or pressure you into having sex, it can be a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
You deserve better.
No matter how long you’ve been with someone or how many times you’ve done something,
you have the right to say no at anytime for any reason.
If someone won’t take no for an answer and repeatedly pressures you verbally,
emotionally or physically it can be a sign of abuse.
You have control over your body, and no one else has the right to tell you what to do with it.
Why is It So Complicated?
Even if you are in a healthy relationship and would like to have sex with your partner, some beliefs or expectations might make this decision more complicated. You and the people in your life might have different ideas about when or what type of sexual activity is alright and what is not.
Here are a few ways this might happen:
Your family does not allow you to date, let alone have sex and there is a risk they would find out.
In your culture or religion, it is expected that you wait until marriage.
You might agree, disagree or be questioning this belief.
You feel that your friends or peers will not agree with your decision and you care about their opinions.You might feel like you’re choosing between what you want and what others want, yet you might also share some of the same beliefs. Just remember that you are capable of making your own decisions and creating your own set of values.
Learn to Communicate
Learning to listen is equally, and possibly even more, essential to strong communication. When you show the other person that what they say matters to you, they will be more likely to trust you and listen to you in return. Sex and intimacy are strongly affected by how both people feel, so it really pays off to create a positive atmosphere.
Break Out of the Box
A relationship will be stronger and more real when both people can truly be themselves both inside and outside of the bedroom. When we question these “rules,” we respect our partner for who they are instead of who they “should be.”